dead tree.
Last couple of days have been bad, real bad. I’ve been close to relapsing, but pushed all feelings down with food instead.. stomachaches are better than mental pain... for a while at least, and then it’s all regret..
and through this, my mask has been firmly on.. no one has to carry my problems, so I hide it.
And I shouldn’t even be writing this on here, but I needed an outlet..
I’m not okay, but I’m trying.
carry me home.
recently, panic has been present almost every day, especially at nighttime, but I think I've found a safe space. I feel safe and protected from the world and my mind. And I'm grateful, extremely grateful that I've found it again. I haven't felt safe in a long time, and finding that feeling again is wonderful.
It's familiar, but still exciting and new. Like coming home, but visiting somewhere new at the same time.
five words.
rädsla.
nervositet.
lättnad.
trygghet.
sparvhjärna.
trust me.
I don’t feel good... I wish I could tell you I was okay, fine, amazing... but the anxiety is high and it’s hard to deal with... I took some calming medication, blasted bergamot scent from the diffuser and slathered my arms in lavender... but it’s not
helping that much. I’m not okay...
I want to be okay.. I really do.
